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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

How to tell when a Girl Is Interested in you...

So you have your heart set on a girl but aren't sure she's feeling the same way. You want to ask her out, and you think there's a good chance she likes you back, but how can you be sure? Well, you can't be 100% certain that she likes you until you ask, but before you do that, you can look for a few tell-tale signs that she has a crush on you, too. See Step 1 below to get started.

Part 1 of 3: Seeing the Physical Signs
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    See if her pupils get larger when she talks to you. If this is the case, then she may have a crush on you. Look into her eyes to see if her pupils get larger without creeping her out. This is a sign that she's excited about being around you. Of course, if you're in a room and the lights suddenly dim, then her pupils may get larger, too.
     
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    Check her posture around you. When she's around you, she will seem to stand taller, pull her shoulders back, and pull her stomach in.You can even try to be slick and check out her posture when she walks away from you, or when she doesn't know you're around.
    • You'll see her licking her lips, touching her neck or lifting her head so that more of her neck is exposed.
    • She may lean toward you more, or move closer to you. She might lean in to whisper as an excuse to get closer.
    • Flared nostrils can be a sign of interest, although this might be hard to detect without looking a little too interested in her nose!
    • She might start playing with her hair and wiping imaginary dust off your clothes.
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    See if she blushes around you. Look for the blush; that's a fairly good sign that she's into you. If she blushes just from seeing you, being around you, or saying hello to you, then it may be because she's flustered because she likes you. To be sure, watch her around other people to see if she's the kind of person who blushes easily.
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    See if she imitates you. Imitation really is the highest form of flattery -- and a sign that she likes you. Watch for her touching you and mirroring your movements. These are signs too that she's interested.
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    Catch her looking at you. She will start to maintain eye contact and even lock eyes with you once she's interested in you. She will scan your face, do a double-take, and give you a darting glance, then a second look. She may also look doe-eyed or dewy-eyed when she looks at you.
    • If she looks down at the ground, it may mean that she is shy and nervous to make eye contact.
    • Take a moment during class, after studies, or whenever she's around to check out where she's looking. If she's watching you or looks at you and then quickly looks away when she spots that you've seen her, she's interested. These little glances mean that she's thinking about you, a lot. Focusing her view on you is a great sign of interest.
    • Avoid showing embarrassment about catching her glancing at you. That is the last thing she'd want to make you feel and in turn this would make her feel embarrassed. Act naturally, smile and look away to give her the space to recover.
    • Remember that if she's really shy, she may not look at you. If she is staring at you and smiling, she's definitely into you, but if she isn't she could just be shyer. Staring is definitely a sign of infatuation. Don't be upset if she isn't smiling, most girls don't. Be careful though, be wary if she is day-dreaming or staring. Usually you can tell if she looks away for a little while, then turns to look back at you. If she continuously stares, it may be day-dreaming.
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    Watch her movements around you. Is she turning up everywhere you seem to be? Is she showing a sudden interest in things that you're keen on but she's not so big on, such as your football games? If she is willing to go out of the way to an event or game she'd normally have nothing to do with, this is a big hint that she's interested in you. It gets even clearer for you if she takes the time to ask you questions about the game or about your involvement in it; that means she's definitely into you.
    • Maybe you see her suddenly hanging around your group of friends when you never saw her in that circle before. It could be her way of trying to get closer to you.

Part 2 of 3: Noticing Her Actions

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    See if she compliments you a lot. If she compliments you on a shot or kick you made or asks you why you didn't play, it shows that she has been paying as much attention (if not more) to your individual involvement than the game itself. She may also be using the compliment as an excuse to talk to you more, which is also a big sign that she likes you.
    • If she compliments something you did when it really wasn't all that great, then there's even more of a chance that she's into you.
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    Spend time with her before assuming anything about her. It's important to get to know her better and to give her the chance to get to know you too. Find a shared activity, like a sport, a hobby, a club, or even just hanging around chatting during lunch hour so that you can simply be around one another long enough to get the vibe. While you may be tempted to lock eyes across a crowded room and know "she's the one", it's a lot better to try and spend time around each other before letting instant attraction do all the decision-making.
    • The more time you spend with her, the more you'll get to know her, and the easier it will be to tell if she really likes you.
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    Listen to what she says. If a girl is interested in you, some of the things she says will start to give away her interest. For example, she might suddenly start to call you by a pet name and start complimenting you. Other verbal signs of interest in you include giggling, laughing at your jokes even if they're pretty lame, and asking for your help.
    • See if she's trying to be coy or playful or just telling you something that you think is calculated to make you like her. If she burps in front of you, confesses something embarrassing, or tells you about a guy she has a crush on, then she probably sees you as a friend because she's a little too comfortable around you for her feelings to be romantic.
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    See if she laughs at your jokes. Crack a joke. It doesn't matter how bad it is; if she's interested in you, she'll laugh. If she's not into you, you'll get such responses as a steely look and no laugh at all, a pitying smile, or a condescending comment.
    • Women tend to laugh more at the jokes of people they like, even if they're not all that funny.
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    See what kind of questions she asks you. It's a really good sign if she asks you a question she could easily find the answer to herself because it means she's using the question as an excuse to talk to you. See if she asks you about your plans; she may be trying to find out if you're hanging out with other girls. Most obviously, if she asks you if you have a girlfriend or if you like any girls, then she's probably interested in you (as long as she's not asking for a friend.)
    • If you have a class together, and she asks you for the homework, when she could easily ask one of her friends instead, then it's a great sign that she's just looking for excuses to talk to you.
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    Look for a change in her personality. Personality changes can be a big sign of her interest in you – look for signs such as her being bubblier, quieter, or somehow different from her usual self when she's around you. Such changes indicate nervousness in your vicinity and this nervousness is a sign she has a crush on you.
    • Try to notice how she acts around other people when she doesn't think you're around or paying attention. This can clue you in to how she "normally" acts so it'll be easier to spot a difference when she's around you.
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    See how she acts when you surprise her. Sit down next to her at lunch, or during an activity, totally out of the blue. This will mean that she doesn't have the time to prepare herself to meet you and her flustered responses will tell you a lot about her feelings for you. Just don't catch her when she's too surprised, like if she's checking to see if there's something in her teeth or really wrapped up in a conversation with one of her friends.
    • If she's showing off around you, that's a sure sign she likes you and is trying to impress you.
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    Strike up a conversation about things that she is interested in. Even if she is shy, try and draw her out by asking her about her own interests. If she seems comfortable talking to you about herself and about her interests and points of view with you, this might indicate that she is keen on you. If she shares opinions and comments with you in a way that suggests she is being careful not to sound too strident, bossy, or opinionated, this could mean that she's toning down her usual bravado to encourage you to take an interest in her.
    • Does she talk to you more than she talks to other people (anybody not obviously a friend)? If she's usually not extremely talkative, and usually waits for someone else to start a conversation, it's a good sign for you! It means she's trying hard to gain your attention.
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    See how her friends react to you. Go up to her when her friends are all around her. If they suddenly disperse to leave the "two of you alone together", it means she has already told them she likes you and has asked them to scram should you come along. Also, you can see how her friends react when you just walk by them. Do they giggle, whisper to each other, or give you a knowing smile? If so, then that's another sign that she might like you.
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    Compliment other girls when you talk to her. If she responds icily or visibly blanches or stiffens, you've just brought out her jealousy, which means she likes you for herself. Don't keep her in this state; brush off the compliment as something vague and come back with a compliment twice as good directed at her alone. You don't want to do this too much or she'll think that you like someone else instead of her, or that you're a smooth talker who doesn't actually like her.
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    Say hello when you see her talking to another guy. If she appears flustered, uncomfortable, or looks down, this may be a sign that she's not happy about you thinking that she likes this guy over you. If she didn't have any response or simply waved back vaguely, this would indicate that she's not that interested into you. Also realize that she may be more shy around you than she is around guys she considers to be "just friends".
    • See if she looks to you for your reaction when she is talking about things with others, especially with other guys. This can be a sign that she cares more about how you react than about the other people she's talking to.
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    See if she asks you lots of questions. If the girl just nods vaguely when she wants to talk to you, then she may be getting bored and is ready to leave. But if she asks you lots of questions, whether she's asking about you or the thing you're talking about, or brings up a completely unrelated topic, then she may be furthering the conversation because she likes you.
    • It makes sense: if she likes you, then she'll want to know more about you.
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    See if she likes to stick around when you talk to her. If she keeps checking her phone or looking around when you talk to her, shifting her weight like she's looking for an excuse to leave, then she may not be into you. But if she leans in, laughs a lot, and seems to just like being in your orbit, then chances are that she's doing this because she likes being around you.
    • Though she'll leave eventually, you can check to see whether it looks like she's ready to bolt at any second, or if she's comfortable staying right where she is when she talks to you.

Part 3 of 3: Asking Her Out

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    Listen to your own senses. How do you feel when you're around her? Do you feel happy, giddy, and excited? Does she make you feel good about yourself and do you feel like you want to spend more time around her? These are good signs that you're feeling good about her and that you're happy to contemplate asking her to be your girlfriend.
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    See if she hints that she wants you to ask her out. She may want you to ask her on a date but doesn't want to be too obvious about it. However, there are some tell-tale signs that she wants to take your relationship to the next level. For example, she may ask you about what you're doing over the weekend and mention that she's not doing much. When you mention a hobby, she may say she'd like to try it some time. If you mention a movie that's coming out and she blurts out, "I'd love to see it!" then she may be asking you to invite her to go.
    • She may be shy, though. Just because she doesn't hint toward this doesn't mean she doesn't like you.
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    Pluck up the courage and tell her that you like her. You've had all the indications above, and you've decided the feelings are mutual and you'd really like her to be your girlfriend. The next logical step is to own up to liking her enough to want to be her boyfriend and to hope that she'll respond in kind.
    • Pick a place where you can be alone, and be casual about it. Let her know you're interested without putting on too much pressure.
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    Don't beat yourself up if she says no. Sometimes you'll get all the signals because a girl is naturally flirty with everyone. She isn't doing it to be mean, it's just who she is and you'll need to keep looking!
    • Also if she says no, she could be very nervous, confused, or playing hard to get. She could also be having some problems at home or with a parent who doesn't want their child to have a boyfriend. She might simply not be ready.
    • Know beforehand if she already has a date. That could make life very complicated unless you're prepared to be the cause of a rupture in that relationship! If she's not keen on exclusive relationships, find this out as soon as possible before you end up being hurt.
     

Tips

  • If you never ask a girl out because you can't be certain she's interested in you, you'll stay single all your life. What an unhappy prospect that sounds! So do it, ask her and realize that sometimes there will be rejection and other times there will be a resounding yes!
  • Girls can be too shy to ask you out. Even in an age where it's considered fine for girls to do the asking, a lot of girls will wait because there is a certain romance attached to the idea of the guy doing the asking. It also helps her to know that you're serious when you take the initiative to ask; remember that if you're afraid of rejection, so is she.
  • Be careful of which words you use when complimenting a girl; the type of compliment you give depends on the girl. While some girls like being called "hot," other prefer being called "beautiful" and may take offense to being called "hot," or vice versa. Just use your judgment when you compliment her.
  • Watch her friends reaction when you are around. If her friends are giving her playful nudges and giggling, she may have told them that she likes you. Also watch for her reaction towards her friends; if she frowns at them or stares into their very soul, she may know what her friends are up to! Be observant.
  • If she tries to get your attention as much as possible, that may be a sign that she is interested in you.
  • If her friends come and talk to you, about her or about your previous past love life, she most likely sent them to make herself sound more appealing and attractive. (Sometimes, it is an obvious hint that she wants you to talk to her.)
  • When having a conversation together, don't pressure her. Just treat the conversation as a normal one, and act as natural as possible.
  • Don't try too hard. You might think she'd prefer a guy who acts in a certain way but change your normal approach and you're likely to just freak her out and her wondering what's gone wrong with you! Don't fake anything; just be yourself.
  • Girls like it when they get to talk to you alone, especially if they are shy, because they won't have to worry about what someone else will think of them whilst they are talking to you.
  • Don't string out asking her too long. If she gets cold or disinterested vibes from you, she'll start steeling herself for the worst and will eventually lose interest in you in order to self-protect from possible hurt. Take a little time to be sure she is interested and that you're interested in her but then get to it and ask her out!
  • If you are clever with it, observational humour is a good way to strike up a conversation.
  • If you intend on giving a girl a gift when you want to show that you like her, keep it small and unique, like a love note, a single rose, a bracelet, or something she can wear.
  • Always be nice.
  • If she gives you things, this is a sign she likes you. It could be cards, badges, stamps, small items, tickets, etc., just as long as she attaches significance to the gifting.
  • Make sure she isn't dating someone already.
  • If a guy is teasing her, she most likely wants to see if you will protect her (as her boyfriend of course)! But don't get so rough that you guys get into a fist-fight!
  • When a girl is really interested in you she will not be afraid to go to your house and get you to hangout or talk. If she has friends around you then she also feels safe around you. This is a very good sign she is interested.
  • In this age with social media and all you can also look for signs of her interest on something she tweets or makes her status. Often if she makes it a title of a song that has lyrics related to a situation that you two were involved in this could be a sign that she shows interest in you as she was still thinking about you afterwards, and the song reminded her of you.
  • Girls love honesty. If they're interested in you don't be shy. Be yourself, tell lame jokes and if she laughs, you have a high chance of getting to know her more.
  • If she compliments you, keep the conversation flowing! Compliment her back and see how she reacts!
 

Warnings

  • Avoid rushing her. While holding the girl's hand or putting your hands around her waist may seem like a nice thing to do, make sure that she feels the same way or you may offend her. It is very important not to rush things, since you risk the girl's opinion of you. Do not forcefully take her hand or touch her. If she is showing signs of irritation, immediately stop touching her, or she may think that you are possessive and controlling.
  • If you're full of yourself and she works this out quickly, watch her interest drop just as fast. Be considerate, thoughtful, and kind and she'll respond likewise.
  • Don't be a stalker. That's creepy and there are laws about that kind of behavior.
  • Never confess that you like her in front of others. If she rejects you, you'll both be embarrassed. And she might just be shy to admit it. It's a good idea not to tell your friends, nor family who you love before you tell the girl you love her first.
  • Be funny but not at her expense. If you want to be mean, sarcastic, and weird, no matter how interested in you she seems, she won't be for much longer.
  • Don't try to kiss someone without asking unless you are one hundred percent sure they're in the moment, too. If you jump on a person that doesn't want to be kissed, you could very well end up with a black eye. Plus, it will be incredibly awkward the next day if you are rejected, especially if she decides to tell her friends. On the other hand, if you're really sure she's into you, you could try kissing her out of nowhere. Softly and slowly to gauge her reaction, though. If you lean in and she turns her face or starts talking, then stop. If you kiss a girl that likes you out of nowhere, she might find it incredibly romantic and heart pounding.
  • Don't ask your friends to find out if she likes you. She'll probably sense something weird and think you're playing games with her.
  • Only compliment a girl if the compliment itself is true. For example, never say "Hey, I like your shirt" if you do not actually like the shirt. It's better to say nothing at all, or look for something else to compliment.
  • Be wary of girls that do not know what they want. If they say that they like you and then take it back, they are indecisive. Waiting for someone like this for too long will only cause you pain and will make you lose time that could have been used to find someone that actually likes you. If they don't know what they want, you don't want to spend time filling that gap until they do know.
  • Don't confess your undying love to her or send her poems unless you're dating seriously. This might push her away from you and might come out too strong. Try something along the lines of "You're really fun to be around, do you wanna hang out sometime? On Friday I'm going to..." and go from there.
  • Don't compliment on something weird, such as "You open your locker really fast" . This might make the girl think you're weird. Of course, if this is your type of humor, then go for it, and if she thinks you're weird, you aren't for her.
EM-

Monday, December 8, 2014

Gangsta Rap Made Me Do It: Subconscious Racism & Hip Hop

"Fuck the police."

It's a mantra that hip-hop listeners are all too familiar with. Year after year, statistics prove that the black community in America--particularly in lower-class neighborhoods--is subjected to unjust treatment from those supposedly designated to protect them. For the most part, these are the same communities that dominate the rap marketplace. It makes sense, then, that emcees would want to utilize their elevated status to take a stand against those who have continually treated them as second-class citizens. But what if antagonizing cops is actually exacerbating the problem and contributing to an endless cycle of violence?
The following article is not intended to provide answers. The scenario about to be presented is very much a chicken-or-the-egg kind of situation, so any point made here has an equal-but-opposite argument that's as valid as the first. The idea here is to get a conversation going and see how we, as hip-hop listeners, writers, and artists, can promote positive change. If this is a conversation you think is worth having, please read on.


How Hip Hop (And The Media) Contributes To Subconscious Racism
It's no secret that the media is about as kind to the black community as they are to sharks. With few black actors getting cast in principal roles for films that aren't about "the hood" and the majority of news outlets pushing every piece of gang-related violence they can get their hands on for easy ratings, the population is hardly portrayed in a positive light. (Hell, the first black Disney princess didn't come around until 2009.) This imagery sticks with people in socially destructive ways.
I won't try and defend the other mediums for their haphazard treatment of racial issues. (That's a topic for another day.) But the major difference between television and news in comparison with hip-hop music is that the other two come from outside perspectives. It's hard to blame news outlets for airing what will drive ratings, and it's hard to blame white screenwriters for not writing great black leads. Hip-hop artists, on the other hand, choose to, and often will, glorify (or "report," as I'll address later) gang violence and demonize the police for no reason other than to be "street." This, unfortunately, is a direct result of listeners pressuring artists to live up to those standards. Even a multi-platinum artist like Drake can't release a song without being called "soft." We live in a supply and demand society; if mainstream listeners start boycotting records that poorly represents the community and supporting those which don't, the rap game would change substantially.
There's a long-held myth that rap music--or anything with violent lyrics really--promotes violence, misogyny, and substance abuse. Whether or not that's true is certainly up to debate. What isn't up to debate, however, is that hip-hop artists have an enormous influence, not just within their community, but in how the rest of the world sees that community. When N.W.A. released Straight Outta Compton, they set the standard for what the outside world expects to find in South Central LA. To date, passers-by roll up their windows and lock their doors when they through the area. Now imagine that person passing through, anxious and fearful, is a cop with a gun. That's not a safe situation for the cop or the community.


"I give you the news with a twist of just his ghetto point of view." -Jay Z
You could argue, as many rappers have, that N.W.A's album didn't create Compton's culture, it simply reported it; that if the communities are fixed then the music will be too. The problem with this argument is that it implies that the fixing can be accomplished entirely by the government itself. In order for the police and the ruling powers to fix communities like those in Detroit, St. Louis, and Chicago, there has to be cooperation within the areas. The "fuck the police" and similarly counterproductive "don't snitch" agendas pushed through the music in those regions all but ensure that this cooperation never happens.
Now, that being said, there are productive ways to do this reporting. Following the incident with Mike Brown, J. Cole penned a touching tribute filled with the sorrow and humanity. It's the kind of track that instigates empathy--the kind of music that hip-hop needs more of in general.
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Sex positions for mind-blowing orgasms!

O, yes

  
I always thought it was a myth that there are certain sex positions that can help a woman climax faster and better. Say it isn't so? If this is true, why haven't we been schooling our men? I took my inquiry to the sex-perts and uncovered that there are, in fact, such positions. Obviously, I'm going to share them with you -- that way, we can all be having the best sex of our lives! Read on for the top 10 sex positions for achieving mind-blowing orgasms.
Sex positions
1

The butterfly position or modified missionary

sex position: the butterfly
"With the woman on her back and her hips on the edge of the bed, the man penetrates her while standing. She then puts her legs over his shoulders and tilts her hips slightly upwards. This gives a wonderful angle for cervical stimulation with deep penetration that can produce some intense vaginal and uterine orgasms. With more shallow penetration, a man can stimulate the anterior vaginal wall to hit the G-spot."
--Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, a psychiatrist who specializes in sex therapy

2

Modified coital alignment technique

sex position: modified coital alignment technique
"A couple starts off in missionary position. Once a man penetrates a woman deeply, he allows her to bring her legs together between his. He then shifts his weight slightly forward so that the shaft of his erection is producing firm pressure and friction on her clitoris as he moves. This works very well for women that prefer to have clitoral stimulation during penetration to reach a very powerful orgasm."
--Dr. Castellanos

3

Baring the scepter

sex position: baring the scepter
"Either partner can perform this technique, although the bottom person's hands may be more able to pull it off. Form a ring with thumb and forefinger around the base of the penis. Then, pull down so the skin on the shaft is taut. This exposes more nerve endings and increases the penis' sensitivity -- it can also help maintain his erection. Engage in intercourse with your hand still encircling the base to send his pleasure soaring."
--Jaiya, new world sex educator and author of "Red Hot Touch"

4

The counter top

sex position: the countertop
"This is my favorite. It's when the woman is laying on her back on the counter or table while he enters standing. It's rough. There's pushing aside of papers, pepper shakers which add to the sense of urgency and inappropriateness. It's easy to maneuver and move the woman to slide along the counter. There is still contact. He goes deep and feels in control. It works all the way around. The keys are clothing, stuff in the way, and being in an open space. Still allows for connection while feeling dirty. It just works on so many levels. It's not about acrobats. It's about context."
--Margaret Wagner, sex expert and founder of Bedroom Matters

5

The seated scissors

sex position: the seated scissors
"This position allows the woman to have the control in order to determine the depth and angle of penetration, as well as how much clitoral stimulation she gets. With the man laying flat on his back and his knees bent, she straddles him with one leg to the side of his hip, and the other leg between his legs. The woman can then find just the right spot to grind against his pubic bone with him inside her. She controls the pace, the depth, and the amount of pressure and friction she receives. This is definitely a prescription for mind-blowing sex!"
--Dr. Castellanos
6

Get off, stand up

sex position: standing up
"I'm no [pro], but whenever I've had sex standing up and holding my partner in the air or up against the wall, it's been mind-blowing for both of us. I suspect it taps into some of our innate gender differences: the strong man and the small woman, which in turn heightens the sexual experience. It also forces us to be in a full embrace, which furthers the emotional connection, as well as our physical one. It's physically demanding and not for all couples but for those that can, it's highly recommended."
--Jim, an experienced heterosexual male

7

Uncloaking the clit

sex position: uncloaking the clit
"Given a woman's clitoris is buried under the clitoral hood and cushiony mons pubis surrounding it, it's no wonder this tiny nub rarely receives enough stimulation during intercourse to catch the O-train. Your hands, though, can help change that. Form a 'V' with your index and middle finger and point your fingers toward your feet. Press this V onto the mons pubis, with a finger to each side of the clitoris. Then, pull up, moving the skin with your hand. This should unveil the hard-to-reach clit in all its glory, exposing this little love button to a lot more action."
--Jaiya

8

Shake 'n' bake

"If you're craving a quick-but-stimulating break from intercourse, this move is the perfect titillating timeout. To do it, the man withdraws and rests the tip of his penis on the clitoris. Then, hold the base of the penis and shake it quickly from side to side so that the head hits the clitoris with every wiggle. In doing so, you'll be stimulating both heads at once -- that of the clitoris and the penis -- which should send you both into paroxysms of pleasure."
--Jaiya

9

Pushing tush

sex position: pushing tush
"If your guy enjoys having his back door explored, reach around with both hands and grab both cheeks. From there, you can do 'Butt Yoga' (a technique whereby you spread the cheeks apart, then together, one up one down then vice versa) or 'Anal Yoga' (a technique whereby you place your middle fingers to the sides of the anus then spread them apart, then diagonally, then up and down). If that gets him hankering for more, feel free to delve deeper."
--Jaiya

10

Happy scissors

sex position: happy scissors
"Heating up hot spots aren't your hands-only talents. They're also great at moving body parts where you want them, and this technique is a prime opportunity. During intercourse, raise your legs, then have your man hold an ankle in each hand. From there, you can spread her legs apart, hold them together, part them at 80 degrees, the options are endless. And since the tendons of the legs pivot deep in the pelvic cavity, moving them around will subtly alter the below-the-belt sensations for you both. Talk about getting a leg up on a little variety!"
EM-

Here’s How Long It Actually Takes to Get Over a Breakup

'Tis the season for relationship status updates—yes, engagements, but also breakups, as the pressure to meet families or decide on happily ever after gets to be too much. Any breakup can seem like the end of the world , but during the holiday season? It's like adding salt to the wound. Luckily, there's a light at the end of the Ben & Jerry-lined tunnel.
Couple breaking up © Marko Gligorov/Getty Images Couple breaking up
It takes three months post-breakup to start viewing the experience in a positive light, according to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology. Researchers surveyed 155 young adults who's recently gone through a break (approximately 11 weeks before the poll), and found that 71 percent agreed with positive statements like "I have learned a lot about myself," "I have grown as a person," and "I am more goal-oriented." 
Here's an important note: this positive perspective developed regardless of whether the study participant had been the one to initiate the breakup. According to the scientists, these results prove that "growth and positive emotions may be a larger part of the relationship dissolution of experience than previously thought." So, instead of wallowing, queue up Ariana Grande—it's time to " Break Free " from that past relationship. 
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Monday, December 1, 2014

7 ways to force more muscle growth!

1
Increase Resistance

This is the most obvious way, by adding weight. Newbie trainees should milk this method for as long as possible. Each session, incrementally lift more.
Some bodybuilders with low IQs and large egos only add weight to a barbell in terms of 45-pound and 25-pound plates. A 25-pound plate on each side is an additional 50 pounds on the barbell; in many core lifts, for an advanced trainee, this would require fighting tooth and nail for years to make this kind of increase. Don't let your pride make judgment calls when it comes to loading the bar. Remember, your gym has 10-pound plates, 5-pound plates and even 2.5-pound plates; plates lighter than 1 pound can be purchased very inexpensively on the Internet.
Half-pound plates added to a bench press weekly over the course of a year would equal a 52-pound gain; 1-pound plates would equal a 104-pound gain. Think microprogression for long-term success.

"Ultimately, with proper planning, you can continually get stronger for years using periods of increased loading."
Some Internet strength coaches point out that this pace is impossible to maintain forever, which is undoubtedly true. The late, former Soviet sports mastermind, Yuri Verkhoshansky, offered a solution called "periods of increased loading." This means cycle training.
At the start of a new training cycle, use more weight than at the start of the previous training cycle. This means that at the midrange point, you should be ahead of your previous cycle's midrange point. Ultimately, with proper planning, you can continually get stronger for years using periods of increased loading.
This was exactly how the greatest powerlifter of all time, Eddy Coan, did it.

2
Increase Volume

Just do more; volume is increased by performing more sets and lifting more weight. Volume = sets × reps × weight lifted.
Keep in mind that, except for the rank beginner, volume with weight under 65 percent of a one-rep max (i.e. light weight) is not heavy enough to have a real training effect. And don't go by total volume. Squatting 100 pounds for 10 sets of 10 provides a different training effect than squatting 500 for 10 sets of 2 reps, although both are 10,000 pounds of volume.
There are a number of ways to add volume to your routine. Try adding an extra set to your workout. If you benched 4 sets of 5 with 200 pounds last time, you performed 4000 pounds of volume; if you do 5 sets next week, that becomes 5000 pounds of volume. One extra set has a profound effect on total volume; imagine doing that for multiple exercises.
As long as you don't sacrifice intensity in the process, you'll find that higher volume is superior for increasing strength and hypertrophy.

3
Increase Range of Motion

Range of motion can have a huge impact on a movement. Doing a deficit deadlift (a deadlift done while standing on a plate a couple of inches off the ground to increase the range of motion) with 80 percent of a one-rep max is much more difficult than a regular deadlift at the same weight. Similarly, doing deep, Olympic pause squats instead of power squats can add an extra level of difficulty.

"Another alternative is to take a full range-of-motion exercise like a deadlift and turn it into an extended range-of-motion exercise like a deficit deadlift or a snatch-grip deadlift."
The key is to increase your range of motion gradually over a series of workouts. A popular method used over a half-century ago by immortal strength legends Paul Anderson and Bob Peoples was progressive distance training. These lifters would start with a partial range-of-motion exercise lift like a rack pull (partial deadlift) and eventually work to a full range of motion over the course of weeks and months with the same weight.
Another alternative is to take a full range-of-motion exercise like a deadlift and turn it into an extended range-of-motion exercise like a deficit deadlift or a snatch-grip deadlift. Just a slight increase of one-quarter of an inch overloads the movement.

4
Vary Repetition Speed

One of the fabled Weider Principles is the retro-gravity principle. This essentially says to prolong the negative portion of a rep, which increases muscular tension and prolongs time under tension—two major players in catalyzing hypertrophy.
Lifting weights faster gets you stronger. Remember when your geeky high school physics teacher taught you that Force = Mass × Acceleration? Were you even listening? Well, without adding any weight to the bar, you could produce higher amounts of force simply by lifting the weight faster. Laboratory study after laboratory study confirms superior strength gains when athletes purposefully lift a weight as explosively as possible instead of with a slow or traditional cadence. Don't forget the acceleration component of the force equation. Lifting a weight with greater force overloads training. This method is most effectively used by controlling the negative portion of a lift and exploding the positive.

5
Rest Less Between Sets

Doing the same amount of work in less time or doing more work in the same amount of time is accomplished with decreased rest intervals. This is called "density" training because you are packing more volume into less time, making the workout denser.
Performing 10,000 pounds of volume in 90 minutes will yield less hypertrophic and strength gains as lifting the same amount in 60 minutes or, better yet, in less than 45 minutes. The key to effective implementation is not sacrificing bar weight. Remember, shortened rest intervals are no excuse for lifting pygmy weights.

6
Changing Movements

For powerlifters, Olympic lifters, and anyone else that competes in specified lifts, the core lifts have to remain at the nucleus of the program. But, for most bodybuilders, doing a core lift—and not a specific lift—is key.
So for legs, squats don't necessarily have to be performed week in and week out. For bodybuilders, variations like Olympic pause squats, safety squats, squats with accommodating resistance, and front squats can be used.

Front Squat
More frequent changes in exercises are needed when hypertrophy is the objective. Changing exercises helps the bodybuilder not succumb to repeated bout effect (RBE). Changing exercises causes overload.

7
Increase Frequency

Increasing frequency simply means train more often. Squatting twice a week, for example, overloads your system more than squatting once a week. For the bodybuilder, this might mean training five days per week instead of four, or giving a double split a shot.
For the strength athlete, it could mean performing one particular exercise more frequently. For a strongman, an increase in frequency could come in the form of an extra events practice session, and for the general fitness enthusiast it could mean an extra training day dedicated to focusing on a particular weakness. The possibilities are endless, and the fact remains that training more often is an overload.
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The Essential Guide to Engagement Ring Shopping

What Makes a Diamond Sparkle?

The first thing you learn when you begin engagement ring shopping is the four C's of diamonds: cut, color, clarity, and carats. Which of these is responsible for your stone's sparkle? Philip Press of Philip Press Master Platinumsmiths says, "The cut is the single determining factor that causes a diamond to sparkle. For a diamond to have the most brilliance, it needs to be proportioned properly and have a superior polish." That means a stone with a bigger surface area (width) isn't necessarily better than a smaller stone with adequate depth to reflect light and create sparkle.
Shopping for an engagement ring is an exciting time! But between the cut of the diamond, the style of the setting, and the quality of the stone, there is a lot to consider. We've turned to some of the industry's best experts for smart tips to consider when buying an engagement ring.
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The first thing you learn when you begin engagement ring shopping is the four C's of diamonds: cut, color, clarity, and carats. Which of these is responsible for your stone's sparkle? Philip Press of Philip Press Master Platinumsmiths says, "The cut is the single determining factor that causes a diamond to sparkle. For a diamond to have the most brilliance, it needs to be proportioned properly and have a superior polish." That means a stone with a bigger surface area (width) isn't necessarily better than a smaller stone with adequate depth to reflect light and create sparkle.The ring-buying process should be fun for your guy, not a chore. To help him out without overwhelming him, jeweler Jean Dousset of Jean Dousset Diamonds says, "Let him know what you want [in terms of] diamond cut and design and then leave it up to him to surprise you as much as possible." Since the stone size and clarity are often a function of the budget, limit your directions to elements that aren't affected by the price, like a specific cut or setting style you like.While both are great choices, Press says that white gold is "not as durable as platinum." If you're worried about scratches and wear and tear, platinum may be the better choice. But keep in mind, "it is also 60 percent heavier than gold."Just like shopping for a wedding dress, Dousset suggests you "visit some jewelry stores to get familiar with the different shapes. Choosing the right cut will always be an instinctive decision. If you always revert to the same cut, it is the one."
                           

What to Buy and Not Buy in December

Holiday shopping is in full swing and it seems as though Black Friday deals will never end. Smart consumers know, however, that just because everything appears to be on sale this month doesn't mean this is the moment to purchase certain items. What then, should you buy in December? The answer: toys, select electronics, select home goods, some Christmas goods, wedding dresses, and real estate. Although you may be in a splurging frame of mind, don't get sucked into deals on a gym membership, jewelry, or watches.
december deals                                    

Toys.

Toys may be on sale right now, but rushing out today to buy all the goodies that will go under the holiday tree doesn't make sense. The best toy deals of the year are yet to come. Mid-month is the best time of year to buy toys, right in the midst of the holiday shopping season, and before the last minute shoppers drive prices back up. Your best bet is to hold off now and shop the toy store exactly two weeks before Christmas.

Electronics.

Electronics -- digital cameras, tablets, laptops, TVs and the like are a big holiday purchase for many folks, but unfortunately not the best deals in December. The best deals historically happen in November on Black Friday and then again in January when the new models debut and the previous year's models are marked down. That said, December is still a great time to buy electronics and many great deals will be available, especially on HDTV's. Blu-ray movies and DVD's are also reduced this month.

Home Goods.

Planning to spend a lot of time in the kitchen this month? You're in luck. Kitchen items are good to buy in December because they're typically marked way down. If you don't plan to cook much this season, a mixer makes a good gift for your mother-in-law.

Shopping for the man on your list? Now is the time to buy tools, particularly wrench, screwdriver, and drill sets. These will make the perfect gifts under the tree for that DIYer in your life.
Linens, on the other hand, are not the best home goods to buy in December. Stores host their annual "white sales" in January, so that's the best time to buy linens and towels. Furniture is also a no-no in December. Again, wait until January when retailers are anxious to clear the showroom for new products that are released in February.

Winter Wear and Gear.

As a general rule of thumb, most items are discounted when they go out of season. December begins the winter season and items like skis, snow blowers, and winter gear are tagged at close to full price. Put off buying these items until February, or even April, when demand is down and retailers are eager to unload inventory.

Holiday Goods.

Christmas is December 25, making December 26 the start of the best time to buy Christmas decor for next year. And if you haven't had enough Christmas candy by then, this is another item to buy in late December.

With the New Year right around the corner, champagne drinkers have much to cheer about. This is the best time to stock up on cheap champagne even though December is the season of high demand. Contrary to the general rules of supply and demand, vendors are vying for all that celebratory business, which means lower than normal prices on the bubbly stuff.
One end-of-year item you don't want to buy in December is a new wall calendar. Retailers are well aware that old calendars cannot be repurposed, so discounts are few and far between. You'll get better deals on a wall calendar in January or February.

Big Ticket Items.

Surprisingly, some big-ticket items are good buys in December. With the wedding season at a near standstill this month, wedding dress dealers are looking to make a sale, any sale, so discounts abound. If you're in the market for a new home, plan to buy one in December. Many sellers take properties off the market for the holidays and those who don't are truly motivated, which means more negotiating leverage for buyers. Cars are also a good buy in December. With the year coming to an end car dealerships are ready to cut prices.

Purchases of jewelry and watches should be put on hold in December; ditto for a gym membership. The first two are popular holiday gifts so jewelers aren't hurting for business right now. And with many people making New Year's resolutions to lose weight, gyms have no incentive to discount memberships.

Seasonal Produce.

When it comes to stocking up the refrigerator, don't be fooled by the cold temperatures. Many fruits and vegetables are in season and cheap, so buy them in December. Try adorning your holiday table with the likes of beets, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, carrots, kale, leeks, onions, potatoes, radishes, sweet potatoes, turnips, and winter squash. Seasonal fruits include clementines, grapefruit, kiwi, lemons, limes, mandarins, oranges, pears, and tangerines.
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43 Ways the Holidays Will Make You a Happier Human


As if you needed another reason to love the holidays, we're breaking down 40-plus things that put the fattest smiles on our faces this time of year. We're not talking expensive presents, either; it's all about the little things. From mistletoe kisses to caroling, not even Scrooge can deny the power of these feel-good moments. Before it's all over in a flash, soak in every minute!
  1. Sipping on hot chocolate with marshmallows
  2. Listening to holiday music on repeat
  3. Eating out of the popcorn bin
  4. The comfort of going home
  5. Snuggling by the fireplace
  6. Glitter nail polish, glitter pinecones, glitter everything
  7. Watching little kids open presents
  8. Baking and decorating cookies
  9. Decking out the house with holiday decor
  10. Kissing underneath the mistletoe
  11. Eggnog!
  12. Taking flights and road trips to see loved ones
  13. Eating and drinking till you stuff yourself silly
  14. Holiday DIY projects
  15. A Christmas Story and Love Actually movie marathons
  16. Buying poinsettias from the market
  17. Giving to charities
  18. Seeing red cups everywhere
  19. Family game nights
  20. The magical twinkling of holiday lights
  21. Snowball fights
  22. Drinking mulled wine
  23. People being nicer, jollier human beings
  24. Seeing Santa at the mall
  25. Neighborhood caroling
  26. Going to holiday parades
  27. Candy canes
  28. Meeting his family for the first time
  29. Sending and receiving handwritten notes
  30. No work, no school
  31. Wearing spirited socks
  32. Pretty gift wrap
  33. Cooking and having zero leftovers, because it was that good
  34. Popping Champagne bottles
  35. Mini Christmas trees
  36. Making paper snowflakes
  37. Participating in a white elephant gift exchange
  38. Giving in to a turkey coma
  39. Finding the perfect holiday party dress
  40. Hanging up stockings
  41. The scent of fir trees
  42. Not falling while ice skating outdoors
  43. Going to an ugly-sweater party
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Monday, November 17, 2014

The Questions Entrepreneurs Must Ask Before They Sell Online

questions
Image Source: Flickr
Entrepreneurship is one of the most rewarding journeys you can take – but it’s also one of the most difficult. People don’t typically start businesses because it’s easy. They do it because they want to be their own boss, they like the thought of being able to control their own time, or maybe they have an idea that’s just that good.
However, with great responsibility comes great risk. Embarking on an entrepreneurial venture can be scary. Do you have enough capital? How great is your idea? Can you support yourself? Are you prepared to put your whole life into this? Before you set out to create your new business, take some time to ask yourself these difficult questions.

1. Am I prepared to fail?
Before you decide to start selling online, really think through the pros and cons of the entrepreneurial lifestyle and what it truly takes to run your own business. Sure, you don’thave to report to a boss and you can keep whatever hours you like, but you will very likely find yourself working extremely long hours, making tough business decisions, and struggling financially at the beginning. It takes a very strong backbone to be a business owner. If you don’t have the perseverance to pick yourself back up when you fall, entrepreneurship might not be best for you.

2. Is my idea any good?
It’s a tough question, but it’s one you should face sooner rather than later. There’s a saying in entrepreneurial circles: Fail fast. If your idea isn’t going to bear fruit, you’ll want to know that as soon as possible so you can pivot before you’re out of runway space. Make every effort to clearly identify the target market for your product or idea, and then ask them if they actually want what you have to sell. Pick up the phone. Set up surveys online. Whatever you need to do to ensure there’s a market for your idea – do it. Find out if what you’re offering is truly valuable to your audience.

3. Can I outdo my competitors?
If you haven’t done a thorough competitive analysis, do so. The most basic steps of a competitive analysis include: defining and understanding your industry, knowing your potential customers, and becoming familiar with your competitors. From there, do your best to determine the key success factors in your industry, then rate your competitors accordingly. Following this, be honest with yourself – what are your competitors potentially going to do to outshine you? The more realistic you are, the harder you can work at differentiating your business in a way that will make it stand out.

4. Have I fully considered all the details of owning an online business?
There’s a lot of detail work involved before you can sell online, including state and local business licenses to obtain, IRS regulations to follow, and sales and payroll taxes to pay. You can’t just put up a website and wait for the money to roll in. If you haven’t fully considered what goes into the actual startup process, find a mentor, pick up a few books or visit your local Small Business Development Center to make sure you’re prepared for all the nitty-gritty details that will demand your attention.

5. Am I ready for this now?
If you’re thinking of starting a new business, consider whether you have the time to really invest yourself wholeheartedly into the endeavor. If you’re pulled in too many directions between your current day job, family life, hobbies or other obligations, you may be putting your new business at risk.
If you’re leaving your job to start your own business, you’ll probably have the time – but make sure you also have an adequate financial safety net. A simple entrepreneurial trick to determine how much to save for your new business is this: Calculate two years’ worth of business expenses plus two and half years of living expenses. If you have investors, make sure they’re rock-solid. Be prepared for any scenario – including the one where you eat ramen for several months while you get things up and running.
At the end of the day, there’s really nothing quite as satisfying as successfully starting and running your own business. Go into the situation with boy eyes open, ask yourself the hard questions, and you’ll be prepared for anything that comes your way.

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Tuesday, November 4, 2014

9 Tricks to Confidently Pick Up Any Woman

Self-confidence is extremely sexy to a woman. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that, more than a man's good looks and more than his gentlemanly manner, confidence is the trigger trait that makes a woman want to get naked.

You remember that scene in Goodfellas when Ray Liotta takes Lorraine Bracco to the Copa? He slips her through the back door, tipping heavies the whole way, chatting up other wiseguys, and finally ending up at a table in front of the stage. Liotta had something much more important than a roll of Franklins: He had confidence. And its effect on Bracco was clear. You knew he was getting laid that night.

Walk This Way

        "Women look first at your attire and second at how you walk," says Steele. Keep your wardrobe stylish and impeccable. Ashley Rothschild, a Los Angeles-based image consultant, suggests you emulate the look of a successful public man in your business arena. She also thinks you'd look hot in a leather jacket. It's classic. It's Steve McQueen.

Look into Her Eyes

        Tell her you love her dimples while gazing at her feet and you'll reek of emotional insecurity. If locking eyes with a stranger feels uncomfortable, focus on her mouth and she'll never know the difference, says Renee Piane, a motivational speaker and author of Love Mechanics: Power Tools to Build Successful Relationships. Staring elsewhere makes you appear uninterested, inattentive, or insincereespecially during sweet talk.

Take a Compliment

        When she says she likes your dimples, simply "smile and say thank you," says Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room. Insecure people deflect compliments by asking, "Really? You think so?" or by listing reasons they don't deserve the compliment. Secure people accept praise gracefully and without ado.

Call Before Day 3

        She gave you her number. Use it within 48 hours or you'll look either scared or stupid for resorting to high-school mind games. Nervous? Manage the cold call as you would a business call.

Perform at the Beep

        If you get her voice mail, leave a message. To convey confidence, your voice should be deep and moderately loud. Stand up and hum a little before you callit will bring your voice to the ideal pitch.

Don't Expose Your Negatives

        When talking about yourself, keep it positive. Stick to your best attributes and the interests you're most passionate about. "Give the press-release version of you," says Kate Wachs, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. "Tell her everything good about your life that you wouldn't mind seeing in 4-inch-high letters on the front page of the newspaper the next morning."

Have a Seat

        Knowledge breeds confidence. Do you know where to sit during a dinner date? Always position yourself at a 90-degree angle to her instead of straight on, says Steele. If she sits at the end of the table, sit in the first seat to her left.
Turn toward her from the waist, which will give her the opportunity to turn toward you. "Women don't like a full-frontal assault. It's intimidating," says Steele. "A confident man realizes he should give the woman the choice to turn to him, and he is sure that she will."

Be Direct

        If you'd like to go into her apartment, tell her at the doorand skip the excuse about needing to use her bathroom. Want to kiss her goodnight? Go for it. "Kissing someone is an emotional thing, and asking [permission] diverts it into a cognitive realm instead," says Wachs. "Women hate that."

Celebrate Her Success

        A confident man doesn't feel emasculated if the woman he's with makes more money than he does; he takes it as a compliment. "More than ever, successful single women earning more than $60K a year are looking for warm, loving men," says Coche. "They're more selective in their partner choice because they can afford to reprioritize."

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32 Arousing Facts About SEX!!!

32 Arousing Facts About . . .
 


  1. During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.e
  2. On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.e
  3. Having sex at least once per week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease by 30%, stroke by 50%, and diabetes by 40%. It has also been shown that men with an active sex life are more likely to live past 80 years.f
  4. The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.e
  5. The sperm count of the average American male in 2008 was down nearly 30% from the sperm count of an average American male 30 years ago.h
  6. Viagra was released in 1998 with over $411 million in profits within its first three months
  7. Viagra, the well-known blue pill designed to help with erectile dysfunction, made $411 million in profits within the first three months of its release in 1998 before going on to make $1.8 billion in 2003.g
  8. Use of the condom was first noted in published literature in the early 1500s. The device was originally made of linen, and historians believe the legendary lover Casanova used linen condoms.a
  9. Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.a
  10. Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.e
  11. Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.e
  12. The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).a
  13. Homosexuality was listed as a mental illness with the American Psychiatric Association (APA) until 1973. It has since been removed and is now considered an orientation by the APA instead of an illness.h
  14. Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.h
  15. Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).b
  16. office romance
    One in five Americans has been sexually involved with a coworker
  17. Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.e
  18. Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.e
  19. Nearly one in four Americans (65 millions people) are currently living with an incurable sexually transmitted disease (STD).i
  20. During 2007, more than 2.5 million people worldwide became infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. With these new cases, there are now 33 million people living with AIDS throughout the world.i
  21. Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.i
  22. The average male produces several million new sperm daily. Conversely, a female is born with a finite amount of eggs and will produce no more than that throughout her lifetime.f
  23. Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.e
  24. Worldwide, 27.5% of women report that they felt pressured into having sex for the first time compared to 15% of men reporting the same feelings.c
  25. According to a 2007 worldwide sex survey, the average age when people first have sex is 19.25. The survey also found that people in Asian countries tended to lose their virginity at a much later age (an average of 22) than those in Western cultures (an average of 18).c
  26. sex in the car
    The car is second only to the bedroom as a favorite place to have sex
  27. Outside of the bedroom, the most common place for adults in the U.S. to have sex is the car.c
  28. The average couple spends about 20 minutes engaged in sexual foreplay prior to intercourse.e
  29. Worldwide, sexually active adults report having sex an average of 103 times per year. This number is down from an average of 127 times per year in 2003.d
  30. One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.d
  31. Throughout the world, approximately 25% of people report having had only one sexual partner. Conversely, 21% of people report having more than 10 sexual partners in their lifetime.d
  32. One survey reports that 53% of sexually active Americans claim to have sex at least once weekly. However, only 48% of Americans report being satisfied with their sex life.c
  33. Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.a
  34. Both men and women can be turned on by the aromas of wine. The scents of many wines are believed to replicate human pheromones, the chemical substances that cause behavioral responses in humans.a
  35. Endorphins released during sexual activity create a euphoria similar to that produced by opioid drug use. These same endorphins also act as extremely effective pain killers.
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The Other Way to Legalize Marijuana

141104_pol_marihuanadc
This may soon be legal in D.C.
Photo by David McNew/Getty Images

If the polling is right, residents of Washington, D.C., are likely to vote to legalize marijuana Tuesday. But it won’t be the kind of legalization we’ve seen up to now.
As written, D.C.’s Initiative 71 embodies a different—and perhaps better—approach to cannabis legalization than the laws already in effect in Colorado and Washington state, or the similar laws that Oregon and Alaska voters might adopt Tuesday. Those systems involve more or less the same policies that now apply to alcohol: private, for-profit production and sale, regulated and taxed by the state. By contrast, the proposed D.C. law won’t allow any commercial activity. District residents will be able to grow a limited number of plants, possess a limited amount of the resulting cannabis, and give away—but not sell—whatever they don’t want to smoke themselves. The system is called “grow and give.”
If that were the end of the story, Initiative 71 would be great news for people interested in a way forward for cannabis policy, making D.C. the laboratory for an interesting experiment. But passing Initiative 71 will only be the beginning of a complicated political process with an unpredictable outcome.
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The path already laid out by Colorado and Washington state is the obvious one. Since alcohol is the only intoxicating and sometimes habit-forming drug now legally available without a prescription, the alcohol system—regulated for-profit commerce—seems like the natural model to adopt when legalizing another intoxicating and sometimes habit-forming drug.
But are we really satisfied with the results of the current alcohol system? Yes, the repeal of alcohol prohibition largely eliminated illicit alcohol production and sale, along with the organized crime, violence, enforcement activity, and corruption that bootlegging generated. What we got instead was the relentless promotion of drinking to excess—from the Super Bowl to spring break—with the result that alcohol now accounts for more substance use disorder, more violence (especially sexual assault and domestic violence), more health damage, more injury, more death, and even more arrests than all illicit drugs combined. About 100,000 Americans each year die of the consequences of their own drinking or someone else’s: from stroke, cancer, liver disease, heart disease, accidents, homicides, and suicides.
Cannabis, which doesn’t generally unleash violence and has less dramatic health risks, is unlikely to generate similar levels of misery, even if we treat it legally the same way we treat alcohol. But the commercial imperative to move the product in volume will give the cannabis industry the same incentive the alcohol industry now has to encourage excessive use. And we can also expect the legal cannabis industry to lobby as fiercely against adequate levels of taxation and regulation as the alcohol lobby does, very successfully, today. In Washington state, where my firm advised the Liquor Control Board on establishing regulations for the new commercial cannabis industry, the unlicensed and unregulated medical marijuana sector has, so far, fought off all legislative attempts to rein it in. The same thing happened this year in California, where a bill to regulate the $1 billion medical marijuana industry died in committee despite the sponsorship of the president of the state Senate and the support of advocates of commercial cannabis legalization.
If the goal is to allow adults to toke up in peace—without the hassle of finding a “420-friendly” physician and pretending to have some ailment—and to stop arresting so many users and low-level cannabis dealers, disproportionately poor and minorities, it can be done without involving the “potrepreneurs” now hoping to cash in on the Green Rush. 
D.C. should try “grow and give” and see how it works. It wouldn’t generate any tax revenue, or offer consumers the same convenience or product variety as a commercial system, and of course policing the boundary between “giving” and “selling” would be virtually impossible. But it might be a big improvement on the current prohibition. Eliminating organized marketing would likely lead to a much smaller increase—if any—in cannabis abuse than we would expect if we sell pot the way we now sell beer.
Still, “grow and give” isn’t the only option between full-on prohibition and commercial legalization. We could restrict production and sale to consumer-owned cooperatives, or to not-for-profit enterprises, or to stockholder-owned public-benefit corporations whose chartered purposes include the promotion of moderate consumption and whose boards would include experts in public health, pediatrics, and drug abuse prevention. Unfortunately, we couldn’t imitate another post-Prohibition alcohol strategy adopted by some states and restrict retail sales to government-owned stores, because neither the District nor a state government can tell its employees to violate federal law, as cannabis growing and cannabis sales still do.
Even a commercial market could have more safeguards than the Colorado or Washington state systems feature. States could require that the retail sales force be trained in pharmacology and drug abuse prevention, or create systems of user-set but vendor-enforced personal quotas on weekly or monthly purchase amounts as an aid to people who want help controlling their cannabis use. (One in six people who have used cannabis in the past month reports finding it difficult to avoid going overboard, which is not surprising, given that one in three people who have used pot in the past month reports having lit up on 21 or more of the past 30 days, according to analysis of data from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health by Jonathan Caulkins and Maria Cuellar of Carnegie Mellon University. There are about seven times as many of those heavy users today as there were in 1992.)
States that legalize could at least use production caps or high taxes to prevent the collapse in marijuana prices that will surely result from substituting cheap legal production for expensive illegal production.
D.C. already has a small cannabis industry, including cultivators, thanks to its restricted medical marijuana regime, and advocates for full legalization aren’t satisfied with “grow and give.” Once Initiative 71 has passed, they intend to ask the elected officials of Washington to create a full commercial system; the D.C. Council is already planning to work on it over the next few months, and the two leading candidates for mayor have said they would support such a move.
The wild card in the deck is the possibility that Congress will interfere before D.C. has a chance to implement any cannabis system: If passed, Initiative 71, like all D.C. laws, is subject to a congressional review period. (Republicans failed earlier this year to gut D.C.’s recently passed marijuana-decriminalization legislation.)
Whatever happens on Capitol Hill, here’s hoping the debate on Initiative 71 takes into account the potential losses from full commercialization as well as the potential gains, and that D.C. decides to experiment with something other than the tired commercial formula that serves us so badly when it comes to alcohol.  Making mistakes is inevitable; repeating the same mistake seems unnecessary.

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